In Memory of

Adele 
Arezza (Altobelli)

1940 - 2016

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Guenette Funeral Home
108 Byng Avenue
Kapuskasing, Ontario
CANADA
P5N 1X2

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Obituary for Adele Arezza (Altobelli)

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Life Story for Adele Arezza (Altobelli)

EULOGY: ADELE AREZZA

Today, we come together to celebrate the life of our mother Adele Arezza.

Adele was born on a farm in Italy before World War II started. She was the eldest of five children. At the age of 18 she went to Switzerland to work in a factory and lived in a convent for four years. Eventually, through a relative she started writing to my father, met him and after two months married him. She immigrated to Canada and started a new life. She was a housewife for eight years then decided she wanted to contribute financially to the household. She decided to go to work as a custodian at the Kapuskasing District High School where many of our friends know her from. She was very well liked and was always known for her smile. She was also involved in a few committees over the years, and was a member of the Catholic Woman’s League which was her most proud accomplishment.

A lot could be said about our mother Adele. She was excitable, colorful, energetic and passionate about volunteering and helping others. She loved to be needed and fulfilled, loved to cook, was extremely generous, feisty, witty, had a fiery personality and sense of humor and was direct and blunt with others. She always told the truth and did not mince words, whether you liked it or not. She could really give you a good tongue lashing. Above all, she loved her family very much and always put us first.

Our mother had a strong faith and was a religious woman. One of my earliest memories of her was teaching us how to pray. She gave us a great gift because it is our belief in God that now gives us the strength to move on without her and give us comfort of eternal life. She always encouraged us to go to church, dressed us up in our Sunday best and most times had to sit between us in church so we would behave. She had no tolerance for disrespect, especially in church. She was always very proud and protective of her family. If we misbehaved at school she would not defend us and would let us take our punishment, however, I remember one time when the teacher called her from school to complain about Anna and blamed her for breaking her ring because she put Anna’s books away in her desk when she left school early for a dentist appointment. She called our mother and demanded that she pay to have her ring repaired. Well, that’s the side of my mom that you don’t want to see! Our mom not only gave her a piece of her mind, she set the record straight and when she was done, the teacher was at a loss for words. She underestimated our mother! I always thought she would have made a good lawyer! If you had something to say to her you always had to make sure that you had your facts straight and that they were accurate because she could always find a inconsistency in your story.

She honored God which was a good thing because if anything, that was what kept her in line. Sometimes her feisty character got her in trouble. She could also be demanding, and if she was, it would appear as criticism, but it was not because she would never expect anything from us that she would not expect from herself. If she was hard on us it was because she wanted us to be the best that we could be.

When I became a mother, she was the ever doting grandmother. Being a grandmother was the highlight of her life. She taught my daughter Jessica to pray and brought her to church every Sunday. At times, I would join them, I was not always good at attending church when I was younger, but my teachings from her and her influence was always ingrained in me and eventually I became better at attending church and praying. She was an amazing grandmother and always doted on Jessica. They were very close and she would spoil her often dressing her up in the finest clothing, spent a lot of time with her and never missed anything important that was going on in her life. At times she would become frustrated with Jessica when she was not behaving and demand that I discipline her. When I told her that she could, she always played “I’m the grandmother” card and would continue to spoil her and complain when she was bad. She was so involved in every aspect of Jessica’s life. She came to her high school graduation; college graduation even though she was sick, went to her graduation from Police College and proudly bragged to everyone about her police granddaughter! She came to her wedding in Halifax and helped me plan her baby shower even when she was starting not to feel well but would never complain. She came to visit often when we moved away from Kapuskasing and always let us know how proud she was of us.

Our mother always liked to feel needed and know she had a purpose. Stella tested my mom’s patience. She was born premature and my mother had to spend a lot of time caring for her as she had many physical ailments as a child. My mother always worried about her and probably fought and advocated for her excessively. She was always hard on Stella, mostly because she knew that Stella would always have to fight harder than most people for her place in this world. This was her way of toughening Stella up for whatever life brought to her door. Well she did an amazing job because the qualities she brought to Stella were strength, perseverance and strength to advocate for other’s as we have witnessed what she had done for the Kapuskasing community. Our mother was proud of her but was not always good at verbalizing it. I always knew though because she could never hide that smile of approval when she heard about something that Stella did.

My dad was always devoted to my mother. He worshipped the ground she walked on and only had eyes for her. Poor guy was what we call “a marshmallow” when it came to her, but he would just say if mommy was happy, then everyone was happy because if she was “cranky” then he would pay for it. When she was in a bad mood everyone would know it and that’s when our father would tell her “Stop chewing the rag”. Most often she nagged him and he would tune her out. When my father passed away though, we could tell that she missed nagging him. She had no one to vent to anymore, it was an outlet for her.

Luisa was our mother’s friend, sister-in-law and like a sister to her. She loved her and they shared a special bond. Luisa was not just married to our uncle; she just fit into this crazy family right away like she had always been a part of it when she returned as our Uncle’s wife. Our mother always knew she could count on her and they shared many special moments together, including the loss of our mother’s younger brother Enzo. They became even closer after he died, which was amazing because most relationships between a sister-in-law and siblings grow apart. Theirs just became stronger and they were like two peas in a pod when they were out and about. Luisa helped my mother through the loss of our father and eventually throughout our mother’s illness.

When I was growing up, I remember how much I respected our mother and doted on pleasing her all the time. I never gave her any heartache except a few times maybe during my teen years. I remember one time she said that I always complained when she asked me to do something. The reason I did is because it felt like she was always asking me and not anyone else to do her bidding. When I told her this she replied it was because she always knew I would do what she asked of me. I could never say no to her. Being the oldest, I believe that’s why she felt she could rely on me. She was the eldest in her family, and I was the first born, so we had that in common. I was always responsible for making sure nothing happened to Stella to and from school. At times, I resented the responsibility that I was given, but I never wanted to disappoint her because she never disappointed us. Because of this, I grew up never being afraid of responsibility and learned that this would only prepare me for what laid ahead. I remember when I told her I was going into nursing. She came to my graduation, and she told me that she was not ecstatic that I had chosen this career as she knew I would face many challenges and struggle emotionally at times, but she told me she was very proud of me.

Anna was my mother’s biggest frustration and challenge. She always thought Anna was going to be a lawyer because of her mouth. I remember when Anna won first prize for public speaking in Grade 8. Our mother was so proud of her and said “Well that’s the first time that her mouth did something good for her!” They always argued, fought, I think mostly because they were so much alike, after all, Anna was our mother’s wild side. Anna was adventurous, much like my mother, after all, who would have the courage to move to far away at such a young age with no family support, like Anna did when she moved out west. It is important to know that our mother had a habit of anointing us with her famous wooden slipper when we were bad, Anna got it the most, too bad it didn’t have the same effect of holy water, I swear it seemed like she was trying to perform an exorcism with Anna when she used that slipper on her! As much as they butted heads, they loved each other very much. That was evident when Anna moved her into her home and cared for her when she could no longer be alone.

The last year of our mother’s life was the most difficult journey any of us would face. After my father passed away, we often attributed her not feeling well to the possibility that she might have been depressed. She was in and out of hospital for almost two years before she became very ill. Last summer, we found out that she had a tumor in her liver when she went for heart valve surgery. Her surgery had been postponed several times due to illness. While we were in Ottawa, she became very depressed and was not motivated to fight or even get strong for her surgery, so Anna and I had an idea. We purchased a kimono gown, placed it over her hospital gown and disguised her with a sunhat and sunglasses. We told the nursing staff we were taking her outside on the hospital grounds. Instead, we took her off the hospital grounds for a joy ride to Dows Lake. We walked with her, sat around the lake and had a picnic. It was a wonderful afternoon, which we would pay for because when we got back, we were all in trouble. Physio had come looking for us and ratted us out to nursing staff. They found out that we had taken her off the grounds, and when the nurse came in to scold my mom she said, “Mrs. Arezza, you are now on lockdown and you won’t be allowed off the grounds at all”. Our mother looked at her, smiled and said, “Oh ya, well I got off the grounds today!” I don’t think the nurse was too impressed, but even the staff admitted later that my mom got her spunk back and was happier after that elopement! It only took us a week to convince the doctor to let us take her out again. We eventually got them to agree to day passes.

During our time in Ottawa, it was an emotional roller coaster. While we had some bad memories, we also shared some amazing ones. On July 1st, we took my mother to the staff lounge near the top of Ottawa Heart Institute so that she could see the fireworks. We took her for rides to Preston Street, went to an Italian restaurant for lunch on day passes and often got her takeout from Italian restaurants. We also had wonderful friends that visited and lent us their kitchens and gardens to give our mother the best homemade cuisine that was possible which seemed to lift her spirits. Every day, we would find a TV on one of the floors where we could sit and watch the “Young and the Restless” with her which was her favorite program. We were regulars and very soon afterwards all the hospital staff knew who we were from seeing us at the same time on any of the floors that had a TV available to watch this. We were lined up with our chairs and dinner and hospital staff would walk by chuckling. We made the best out of an unpleasant situation and these memories actually comfort us as we walked this journey with her. She did not walk it alone. She taught us the real meaning of faith, love, strength and courage. She was never bitter, accepted her fate and lived out the remainder of her life with grace.

On behalf of our family, we would like to thank everyone for your kind words and heartfelt condolences in this time of sadness. We would also like to extend a great appreciation to friends in Ottawa for their hospitality in lending us their homes to prepare meals and get away from a hotel atmosphere and for taking the time to visit our mother, specifically, Darren Misselbrook, Chris and Ashley Wolfenden and Kathy Bracci.

Thank you to the Altobelli families in Italy and the LoRusso’s for all the time in organizing our Skype’s with them. They went over and beyond to get the families together to show their support and love for our mother.

Thank you to Angelo Giancola for all his visits to see our mother and ensure he looked out for her.

Thank you to all the nursing staff in Active Care, VON Nurses, and the nursing staff at Ottawa Heart Institute.

Thank you to Dr.Cheung for end of life care and Dr. Cano in Sudbury for his compassionate care. Special thanks to Dr. Power for being wonderful and compassionate to my mother and for always being available during crisis situations. A special Thank you to Dr. Lam at Ottawa Heart Institute who went over and beyond to give us the answers we needed to make the important decisions guiding our mother’s care.

Thank you to the CWL ladies for all their visits, (specifically Laura Cote and Edith Plourde) to see my mom and to anyone I may not have mentioned.

I’d like to close this with a quote from Jim Summerville for all those who are mourning our mother’s loss:

“If you stand on the shore long enough and watch a cruise ship sail out to sea, there comes a time when you can’t see it anymore. It sails beyond that curve in the earth’s surface that obscures it from your sight. It doesn’t mean that it isn’t there; it only means that you can’t see it any longer. For those people on board life is going on as it rarely does on shore, with fine dining and ballroom dancing and moonlit walks on the promenade deck. In her death she has sailed beyond the horizon. We can’t see her anymore, but that doesn’t mean her life isn’t going on. It is. Death is only a horizon, and a horizon is nothing but the limit of our sight.”